Update on Me, Weight, the Universe, and Everything

I have posted a tad more frequently over at The Knit Farm, but I am still here. I've talked a bit about mom and how I'm feeling over there - very short synopsis, I'm still awfully sad muchof the time, but doing better. I find myself existing on the surface a lot; when I dig deeper, it's still raw, and I'm not handling raw so well. A note from someone (thanks, A., for reading the archives of my posts and commenting!) was just the right nudge to get me over here for an update post.

I managed to eat fairly sensibly while we were in the US for a couple of weeks, and not too poorly once we came back. However, the evening snacking is back, lack of greenery in the diet, and lack of menu planning as well - all of these contribute to subtle but steady weight gain, and as of this morning, I was up to 185. Still 21 pounds down since December but 6 pounds up from the beginning of April. 1.5 pounds up a month.

The thing keeping me from going too crazy is the fact that I tossed all my old "fat pants" so I can sense even this 6-pound gain in the fit of my clothes. When it hit 6 pounds, my UK 14s refused to fit. So I'm down to 4 pairs of jeans, 2 of which are ratty. The others sit on the shelf in my closet, mocking me... Incentive, boys and girls.

I haven't been tracking in FitDay, and I know it's helpful. Getting back to it is another essential tool to keep going. Today I will log what I eat, even if it's not the most considered eating. Gotta start again somewhere!

Back from Germany

I'm baaaack. In a matter of days, we head to the US for my mom's memorial service, and going through her things that are in storage while we visit relatives...

Germany was fun enough - rainy for the first week, and that was the week DH had his eye surgery so it wasn't really a touristy visit. We took the kids bowling and to a playplace and found a good used bookstore; we ate too much fast food and one good Mexican (!) (in Germany!) meal. We walked around the local village and town, saw some movies, visited old friends of DH, had fabulous ice cream, and toured one castle.

It's wonderful having DH home again now, and we are starting to eatsensibly again. I am not tracking food yet, but not inhaling cookies either. I call it a happy medium. Each day gets a bit better. Here's me in Sickingen (a village) - see the Germanness all around?

Here and floundering...

I'm here. I'm sad. I'm floundering. But I'm working on it.

My sister, brother-in-law, and nieces were here for a good long visit. Seeing them, being with them, and touring with them kept us all very busy, and left me with very little time to sink into sadness. They headed home a couple of weeks ago, and it's been really difficult since then. Food was OK while they were here, but now that I am by myself (with kids), I find myself using it as a sedative. Every morning, I wake up and think, I will get on track today. By afternoon, I think, how about a piece of toast, or a cookie? Or three?

That and some book I've read a million times before are how I get through my evenings. I can't even knit most nights - it seems too hard, although I am working on something I really like.

David had to go to Germany for 6 weeks, so we've been alone, me and the kiddoes, since my family left. We head to see him on Wednesday, thank God. I miss him so very much. He was my rock when it happened, and when he had to leave, I was so very grateful my sister was already here. I don't think I could have kept it together if we hadn't kept so busy.

I do OK, as long as I don't stop to think. Once I stop and sit down, the grief can be overwhelming. I still don't believe this has happened. I keep thinking of things to tell mom, or to show her. And everything, everywhere, reminds me of her. Even when I am getting through the day, and going through the motions, inside I am howling. How can she be gone?

Mom

My mother died very suddenly last week. I can't blog right now. When I'm better I will be back.

A Little Chat; A Little Shopping

Well, seeing that I am the proud non-owner of almost 25 pounds, I've been having some fun trying on clothes lately. This afternoon I popped out to check out a dress I saw in a flyer this week. Sadly, although the colors really worked, the cut...not so much. However, there was a black dress with little cream polka dots on the sale rack that looked much nicer on me, and I paid 10 pounds!! I also got a very pretty pink georgette wrap top that will probably be photographed soon. Dead batteries in one camera, and hiding charger for the other camera. Sigh.

Two pairs of size 16 pants (US 14) now fitting me nicely. Two pairs of 18s (US 16) now really too big. Wild, isn't it? One pair of size 14 jeans (exact same style as my very favorite 18s) waiting in the wings, which can zip up but turn the muffin top into a popover of massive proportions.

At 180 pounds, I will do a front/side/back progress post, to go with the one I did at 200. Could be any old time now. A few days, a week, maybe two...I'm optimistic.

Note the Sidebar

Not much to report right now, mostly because we are so busy! Busy kid week, friends visiting so busy grownups week, and hmmm...what's that in the sidebar? Could it be a new low? Could it be 183.4? Hmmm.

Yippeee!

The Absence of 25 Pounds

This is what the absence of 25 pounds looks like - rock on, my darling man... Caught lounging on the playground this weekend.














And THIS is what the absence of 46 pounds total looks like. We clean up well, even if I do say so myself. Check out www.honsinger.net for even more pictures of the cleaned-up couple and a quick recap of our fun evening.